9/21/02
Random Snips of Thought
I need to separate my consciousness from this person.
If you can’t talk, there’s nothing to it.
What is it that I am still lacking in myself that makes me become so attached to certain people? Something in them that I want to see in myself? How can I identify it? Then I could do away with the attraction and all of the self-doubt that comes with it. I don’t want to feel rejected. I don’t want to feel unwanted. I don’t want to be wanted by the people who want me right now. Blech. I want to be wanted by someone else, but I don’t think he wants me. So let’s do away with this whole relationship thing altogether. …I keep deciding that, but it keeps falling apart!
Better…better…be better…
You have a lot more work to do inside before you can have a satisfying relationship outside. Forget it.
I miss Ben. Holy hell - where did that come from? Ancient history!
(omitted - ca. 213 words)
I’m wallowing.
So what??
Finding Forrester is a good movie.
It’s cold in here.
“You ain’t seen nothin’? What in hell kind of sentence is that??” hahaha
Reread. Think - Good lord. I can never post this. How sensitively personal.
Why not?
Because…..because. Damn you.
It will be funny. And he always liked your writing better unedited.
Why does it matter anyway? Remember your one question and it’s one answer. Nothing else matters. You felt blissfully carefree. Remember.
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