10/4/02
Stuff
My little lamp broke last night. I somehow knocked it off in my sleep and it shattered on the floor. I woke up for a moment, but I didn't realize till this morning what had happened. I almost cried. It was very special to me.
About the other issue... It's hopeless. And it takes too much energy away from more important things. As LL would say, "Flank your fires and forget it." So from now on, disregard post "This Boy." I won't take it off because it's part of the past. We're all forever branded by our pasts, in one way or another, aren't we...why deny it? There's a certain solace in being alone...at least I know myself. And there is a certain relief in releasing myself from the attachment to a pointless hope. My heart won't forget so easily, but in time it will learn. Everything takes time. It learned a long time ago to stop dreaming about Ben, even though I thought THAT might never happen...so it can learn to forget about this. Our society is so messed up - we focus on the weirdest things in our search for self-justification.
I also realized that that pride issue is back to haunt me. Three signs weren't enough. It's all tied together.
It's going to be a hard day. You'll be all right...
Why do I feel so sad?
Previous
Next
Back to Journal
Home